Suzanne Gold has a Master's degree in Psychology, 
a certificate in ministry from the Universal Life Church,
and many years of study in spiritual principles and methods. 
She writes a weekly column for United Press International's
Religion and Spirituality website, and a blog for
the San Francisco Chronicle. She is available for personal 
and spiritual counseling on life, relationship, 
and work issues in person or by telephone.
Free Initial Consultation

    If you're confused about what you want or how to get it, perhaps you weren't given the
chance to discover your own talents and passions.
   If your relationships fail and you don't understand why, you may be acting out early
patterning that doesn't work any more.
   If you're trapped in situations that drain your energy, someone may have convinced you long ago that you're unworthy of better.
   If you give in to people you can't stand and fear people you admire, you've probably adopted those attitudes to be sure you didn't offend someone important to you.
   If you're overwhelmed by emotions that sometimes make you afraid to act, it's likely you didn't get the recognition you needed as a child to build self-confidence.

    If any of this sounds familiar, take heart in knowing that you are not alone. Whether you ask mental health professionals or everyday people, most estimate that over 90% of American families are passing along generations of dysfunctional habits and attitudes that distort personal, social and political life.
    Your family is your first and most influential bond. Those relationships form the foundation of your personality and ideas. Families can be wonderful when their members love, respect and support each other. Encouragement helps you develop self-esteem and the confidence to try new things. You expect your life to turn out as you'd like. You can make and sustain satisfying, meaningful, long-term relationships and enjoy the process of working toward your dreams.
    Before you joined them, your family already had patterns: tendencies, beliefs, and attitudes that influenced you for better or worse. From the moment your life began, your physical helplessness made your survival dependent on the people closest to you. You figured out that going along with them got you what you needed, so you adapted to fit in. Even if the patterns you adopted may have worked at the time, as you grow and make your own way in life they can become inappropriate, even harmful.
    Adopting someone else's views instead of clarifying your own can warp your thoughts and feelings. When you accept what you're told without checking it out for yourself, you deny your natural inclinations in favor of a point of view that's not your own, which makes you feel vaguely unsettled, like there's been "a disturbance in the Force." Ignoring your instincts is uncomfortable, even downright painful, and can make you your own worst enemy.
   The good news is that you are a spirit on a physical journey, and what happens in your life is guided by Spirit to bring you the circumstances you need to learn the lessons you came here for. Surviving a dysfunctional family means setting yourself free from the negative influences in your past so you can build a life you love. You are not a victim of your upbringing. Past circumstances don't necessarily doom you to failure. Although a dysfunctional past can crush your self-esteem and ruin your relationships, the distortion of your instincts can be reversed. If you have a dream you're too afraid to follow, I can help. If you're confused about life-altering decisions, I can help. If you have low self-esteem, I can help. If your relationship is breaking up, I can help you save it or part gracefully. If you're lonely, yearning for meaning in life and connection with others, I can help.
   With these simple, practical principles and exercises--written, meditative, visualization, physical, and action--you'll tap into your intuition and clarify your interests, natural talents and skills. You'll start to see life's embarrassing, infuriating, frustrating and confusing moments as signposts to where you're stuck, grist for the mill of learning their lessons and letting them go. You'll come to understand where your unwanted behaviors and unworkable attitudes came from, and notice they influence your thoughts and decisions. You'll get clear about where you'd rather be and how to unravel your obstacles to getting there. You'll deepen your connection with Spirit, and be able to enlist that power in everyday life to build a life you love.