Everyone
comes into life with a purpose. You are a unique expression of the universal
life force at the foundation of your physical form. Spirit guides you from
the moment your life begins, and the people and events of your life reflect
its journey. No one else ever has or will affect the world as you do. With
every act, word or thought, you are adding to All-That-Is.
Your
family is your first and most influential bond. What you learn from them
colors the way you see yourself and the world. As a child, your physical
helplessness makes you dependent on the people closest to you for survival,
yet often those relationships are destructive intead of supportive. The
family you join already has tendencies: patterns, beliefs, and attitudes
which they expect you to share. Going along gets you what you need, so
you adapt to fit in. But when you ignore your instincts, you don't feel
right, and you may create the opposite of what you intend.
The
good news is that you don't have to be a victim of your upbringing. Although
a dysfunctional family can crush your self-esteem, confuse you, and wreck
your relationships, the distortion of your natural instincts can be reversed.
Your problems can show you what you don't want, and inspire you to go after
what you'd rather have so you can set yourself free to become the person
you wnat to be and create a life you love.
No
matter what happens, trust that what you go through will enlighten you.
Don't be discouraged. Change doesn't happen overnight. It comes little
by little, more and more, deepening your ability to love, create, and make
a difference personally and in society. The most important thing is a dedication
to trying something new and learning from your experience.
Surviving
a dysfunctional family doesn't necessarily mean getting along better with
your relatives. You make peace with the past by treating difficult situations,
thoughts, emotions and people as opportunities to unravel the knots in
your heart and mind that keep you stuck. You create a new future by drawing
on your innate wisdom to help you release dysfunctional patterns and find
the faith in yourself that will support you in making your dreams come
true. When you do your best, you tap into a power that's been within you
all along, in even the most difficult circumstances, even when you weren't
aware of it.
So
how do you go about doing this? Here are ten ways to spark change in your
life and relationships:
1. SET A NEW
COURSE
Follow your heart
Your
new course is first an internal one, which paves the way for external changes.
If you're not satisfied with your life as it is, start by imagining how
it can get better. What happens in your life is largely up to you, so make
it a priority to figure out how to create what you want, to face your obstacles
and follow through on your good ideas. Take time every day to think about
how you'd like your life to be. Be willing to try new things. Courage is
accepting reality as it is and working within it to make your dreams come
true. Focus on ideas and feelings that light you up, and allow yourself
to feel excited about your possibilities. What you dedicate yourself to,
you can create.
2. TRUST YOUR
INTUITION
Open to inner wisdom
Listen
for the "still small voice" inside. Within you is a guidance system that
makes itself known through your thougrhts and emotions. Give yourself the
benefit of the doubt, and believe in yourself in the face of criticism.
Have good intentions. Rely on your own sense of what's right, and do what
you think is best at the moment. Stand your ground. Believe in yourself
in the face of criticism. No one else can tell you what you need or want.
Life can be confusing, and some people do try to manipulate you in devious
ways. If something doesn't feel right, it may may mean that it's not for
you. Wonder about why not, and what you'd like instead. Your instincts
will lead you to where you need to be at the perfect moment for the best
results.
3. LOOK FOR A
SILVER LINING
Develop a positive attitude
How things appear is affected by how you look at them. Your interpretations
shape your ideas and behavior, which in turn influences how others see
you. Search for the positive. Focusing on the negative dulls your energy
and ability to cope. Spirit underlies everything, regardless of whether
you think that something as good or bad. No matter how awful a situation
seems, find something in it to appreciate. Ask yourself, what can I learn
here? What good could come from this? You already have inside you the resources
to make peace with the past and create a new future. You just have to learn
how to use them.
4. TAKE A STEP
BACK
Get a bigger picture
Be on the lookout for destructive habitual patterns. Noticing is the first
step to breaking them. Don't fight them, just observe your thoughts and
feelings. The deeper you can go, the more you unravel your stuck places.
Bring spirit into the process by inviting metaphysical help. Be influenced
by others' opinions only if they inspire you. You don't have to convince
anyone of your right to have your life as you want it.
5. WATCH WHAT
YOU SAY
Communicate
effectively
Be aware
of your effect on others. Be kind. Tell the truth. Emphasize the positive.
Give compliments and encouragement. Make things right. Don't just listen
to what is said, watch the facial expressions and gestures, and listen
to the tone of voice. Notice what you say and what others say to you, and
learn to read between the lines. Choose your battles. Know when to shut
up or decline to answer. Don't interrupt, brag, one-up, or pretend you're
something you're not. Allow different points of view. Don't brag, one-up,
pretend you're something you're not, or congratulate yourself too much.
Don't give advice unless you're asked. Don't gossip-- it wastes time you
could be using to empower yourself. Watch what you listen to. Don't put
up with disrespect, manipulation or negative thinking from anyone, including
yourself. Don't assume you're being understood. Check it out.
6. DON'T KEEP
SCORE
Set your own standards
Life
is not about success or failure. Although both teach valuable lessons,
fulfilling your potential is the essential goal. Adversity can build strength.
If a dream sours, let it go without judgment or remorse. Assume it's no
longer relevant, and look for new options. Accepting change brings peace
of mind. Even a losing battle can be a steppingstone to a better situation.
7. NO VICTIMS,
NO VILLAINS
Take
responsibility
Relationships are like jigsaw puzzles. All the pieces fit together to create
the whole. You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings, nor are
they for yours. You're not required to betray yourself for anyone else's
sake, so there's no guilt, no blame, no shame. Accept each moment as if
you've chosen it. If someone hurts you, look for what you can learn from
it. Holding a grudge drains your energy. Forgiveness doesn't mean that
what happened is not okay with you: it means releasing that person's power
to upset you. You may never forget, but letting go of resentment is healing.
This goes double for forgiving yourself.
8. MEDITATE AND
TREAT YOURSELF WELL
Nurture yourself
Make
time to have fun and enjoy life. Believe in your dreams. Celebrate your
successes, big and small. Laugh. Take walks in nature. Spend time alone.
Something as simple as a warm bath or a good stretch can do wonders to
improve your perspective. Exercise, rest and eat when you need to, and
drink lots of water. Meditation calms your conscious thinking mind so you
can get in touch with your inner wisdom. Count your breaths, or silently
repeat a soothing word or phrase like "peace" or "well-being." Imagine
a healing light shining through you, easing your emotional and physical
pain. When your mind wanders, and it will, just bring your focus back and
start again. Even a few minutes a day can make a difference.
9. GET OUTSIDE
HELP
See beyond your blind spots
Under
the right circumstances, talking about your feelings can create change,
no matter how embarrassing, strange or awful they may seem to you. An objective
outsider can help you clear up confusion and set your creative energy free.
Get counseling, either by yourself or with family members. Find someone
you trust and feel compatible with, and be willing to pour your heart out.
don't follow advice blindly. Examine both sides of any issue. Try art,
sports, music, or dance for fun and /or therapy. Join a group with similar
interests or circumstances to yours. Read self-help books. Most have at
least some helpful nuggets, and can reassure you that you're not alone.
Don't expect The Answer, but serve yourself a variety of ideas and explore
what makes sense to you.
10. MOVE ON
Graduate to living fully
Respect
your own boundaries. Your first commitment is to yourself, and to learning
from your experience. If you're not there for yourself, you can't be there
for anyone else. Do what you can, and do your best, but not at your own
expense. Live your own truth, be honorable, and intend the best for everyone,
especially yourself. Your internal changes can alter what happens in your
life, but you have no control over what others feel or think no matter
how much you care, or how badly you think they need help. When conflict
arises, try to work things through. But if you feel hopeless, scapegoated,
threatened or frantic, retreat may be the only appropriate choice, at least
for the moment. It's perfectly all right to let go of what doesn't suit
you any more. To leave your mark on future generations, pass along what
you learn.
I wish you healing, faith and the courage to make your dreams come true.
Suzanne |
