Everyone
comes into life with a purpose. You are a unique expression of the universal
life force at the foundation of your physical form. Spirit guides you from
the moment your life begins, and the people and events of your life reflect
its journey. No one else ever has or will affect the world as you do. With
every act, word or thought, you are adding to All-That-Is.
Your
family is your first and most influential bond. What you learn from them
colors the way you see yourself and the world. As a child, your physical
helplessness makes you dependent on the people closest to you for survival,
yet often those relationships are destructive intead of supportive. The
family you join already has tendencies: patterns, beliefs, and attitudes
which they expect you to share. Going along gets you what you need, so
you adapt to fit in. But when you ignore your instincts, you don't feel
right, and you may create the opposite of what you intend.
The
good news is that you don't have to be a victim of your upbringing. Although
a dysfunctional family can crush your self-esteem, confuse you, and wreck
your relationships, the distortion of your natural instincts can be reversed.
Your problems can show you what you don't want, and inspire you to go after
what you'd rather have so you can set yourself free to become the person
you want to be and create a life you love.
No
matter what happens, trust that what you go through will enlighten you.
Don't be discouraged. Change doesn't happen overnight. It comes little
by little, more and more, deepening your ability to love, create, and make
a difference personally and in society. The most important thing is a dedication
to trying something new and learning from your experience.
Surviving
a dysfunctional family doesn't necessarily mean getting along better with
your relatives. You make peace with the past by treating difficult situations,
thoughts, emotions and people as opportunities to unravel the knots in
your heart and mind that keep you stuck. You create a new future by drawing
on your innate wisdom to help you release dysfunctional patterns and find
the faith in yourself that will support you in making your dreams come
true. When you do your best, you tap into a power that's been within you
all along, in even the most difficult circumstances, even when you weren't
aware of it.
This
series of simple principles will show you how to grow through experience
by drawing on the innate wisdom within to transform your life and relationships,
and reawaken your dreams. You'll learn to connect with Spirit to help you
face and unravel your stuck places and uncover your power and clarity.
Each chapter introduces one of the Ten Ways, and is sprinkled with exercises,
meditations, pertinent
quotes, illustrative anecdotes, activities, self-reflective exercises,
meditation, and guided imagery that blend psychological and spiritual principles
with everyday problem-solving, anecdotes of revelation and transformation
in me, my clients, and students that broaden the reader's perspective and
bring about change in behavior, attitude, lifestyle, and relationships.
So
how do you go about doing this? Here are ten ways to spark change in your
life and relationships:
1. SET A NEW
COURSE
Follow your heart
Your
new course is first an internal one, which paves the way for external changes.
If you're not satisfied with your life as it is, start by imagining how
it can get better. What happens in your life is largely up to you, so make
it a priority to figure out how to face your obstacles, follow through
on your good ideas, and create what you want. Take time every day to think
about how you'd like your life to be. Be willing to try new things. Pay
attention to ideas and feelings that light you up. Allow yourself to feel
excited about your possibilities. Courage is accepting reality as it is
and working within it to make your dreams come true. What you dedicate
yourself to, you can create.
2. TRUST YOUR
INTUITION
Open to inner wisdom
Listen
for the "still small voice" inside. Within you is a guidance system that
makes itself known through your thoughts and emotions. Have good intentions.
Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Life can be confusing, and some
people do try to manipulate you in devious ways. Stand your ground. Believe
in yourself in the face of criticism. Rely on your own sense of what's
right, and do what you think is best at the moment. No one else can tell
you what you need or want.If something seems off-kilter, it may may mean
that it's not for you. Wonder about why not, and what you'd rather have
instead. Your instincts will lead you to where you need to be at the perfect
moment for the best results. Let your sense of integrity guide you.
3. LOOK FOR A
SILVER LINING
Develop a positive attitude
How things appear is affected by how you look at them. Your interpretations
shape your ideas and behavior, which in turn influences how others see
you. Focusing on the negative dulls your energy and ability to cope. Search
for the positive. Spirit underlies everything, regardless of whether you
think that something as good or bad. No matter how awful a situation seems,
find something in it to appreciate. Ask yourself, what can I learn here?
What good could come from this? The answers indicate what you should do
next. You already have inside you the resources to make peace with the
past and create a new future. You just have to learn how to use them.
4. TAKE A STEP
BACK
Get a bigger picture
Be on the lookout for destructive habitual patterns. Noticing is the first
step to breaking them. Don't fight them, just observe your thoughts and
feelings. The deeper you can go, the more you unravel the stuck places
in your mind and heart. Bring Spirit into the process by inviting metaphysical
help in any form that works for you. Be influenced by others' opinions
only if they inspire you. You don't have to convince anyone of your right
to have your life as you want it.
5. WATCH WHAT
YOU SAY
Communicate
effectively
Be kind.
Tell the truth. Be aware of your effect on others. Speak carefully. Emphasize
the positive. Give compliments and encouragement. Learn to read between
the lines, not just what others say, but why they're saying it. Don't assume
you're being understood-- check it out. Watch what you listen to. Not just
what's being said, but listen to the tone of voice and watch the facial
expressions and gestures. Make things right when you realize you've wronged
someone. Don't put up with disrespect, manipulation or negative thinking
from anyone, including yourself. Know when to shut up or decline to answer.
Don't give advice unless you're asked. Don't gossip-- it wastes time you
could use to empower yourself. Don't complain, interrupt, brag, pretend
you're something you're not, or congratulate yourself too much. Choose
your battles. Be open to different points of view. Don't think of yourself
as better than most. We are One.
6. DON'T KEEP
SCORE
Set your own standards
Life isn't about success or failure. Although both teach valuable lessons,
fulfilling your potential is the essential goal. Adversity can build strength.
If a dream sours, let it go without judgment or remorse. Assume it's no
longer relevant, and look for new options. Accepting change brings peace
of mind. Even a losing battle can be a steppingstone to a better situation.
7. NO VICTIMS,
NO VILLAINS
Take
responsibility
You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings, nor are they for yours.
Relationships are like jigsaw puzzles. All the pieces fit together to create
the whole. You're not required to betray yourself for anyone else's sake,
so there's no reason for guilt, blame, or shame. Accept each moment as
if you've chosen it. If someone hurts you, look for what you can learn
from it. Forgiveness doesn't mean that what happened is okay with you;
it means releasing that person's power to upset you. Holding a grudge drains
your energy. You may never forget, but letting go of resentment is healing.
This goes double for forgiving yourself.
8. MEDITATE AND
TREAT YOURSELF WELL
Nurture your soul
Make
time to have fun and enjoy life. Believe in your dreams. Celebrate your
successes, big and small. Laugh. Take walks in nature. Spend time alone.
Exercise, rest and eat when you need to, and drink enough water. Something
as simple as a warm bath or a good stretch can do wonders to improve your
perspective. Meditation calms your conscious thinking mind so you can get
in touch with your inner wisdom. Count your breaths, or silently repeat
a soothing word or phrase like "peace" or "well-being." Imagine a healing
light shining through you, easing your emotional and physical pain. When
your mind wanders, and it will, just bring your focus back to your breath
and start again. Even ten minutes a day can make a big difference.
9. GET OUTSIDE
HELP
See beyond your blind spots
Under
the right circumstances, talking about your feelings can create change,
no matter how embarrassing, strange or awful they may seem to you. An objective
outsider can help you clear up confusion and liberate your creative energy.
Get counseling, either by yourself or with family members. Find someone
you trust and feel compatible with, and pour your heart out. Don't follow
advice blindly. Examine both sides of any issue. Explore ideas that make
sense to you and see what happens. Try art, sports, music, or dance for
fun and /or therapy. Join a group with similar interests or circumstances
to yours. Read self-help books. Most have helpful nuggets that can reassure
you that you're not alone. Don't expect The Answer, but serve yourself
a variety of ideas that intrigue you and explore what captures your attention.
10. MOVE ON
Graduate to living fully
Your
first commitment is to yourself, and to gaining wisdom from your experience.
Respect your own boundaries. Honor your own truth. Find a way to give your
gift. Act as if feeling your feelings and examining your thoughts is the
path to peace. (It is.) Invite Spirit into your life every day. Do what
you can, and do your best, but not at your own expense. If you're not there
for yourself, you can't be there for anyone else. Intend the best for everyone,
especially yourself. Your internal changes can alter how your life goes,
but you have no control over what others do, feel, or think, no matter
how much you care, or how badly you think they need help. When conflict
arises, try to work things through. Repair damaged relationships by building
loving, supportive, and honest intimacy. But if you feel hopeless, scapegoated,
threatened, or frantic, retreat may be the only appropriate choice, at
least for the moment. Leave the room, the relationship, or move to another
state, for as long as you need to recover. It's perfectly all right to
let go of what doesn't suit you any more. To leave your mark on future
generations, pass along what you learn.
I wish you healing, faith and the courage to make your dreams come true.
Suzanne |
