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I E W P O I N T S
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Opinions and Essays
A brush with celebrity
March 2, 2003
Robin
Williams looked down my dress.
In the mid-'80s and early '90s, I worked as a journeyman vocalist doing
all kinds of gigs -- musical theater, cabaret, corporate and family parties,
dance bars.
One of the wildest was as a member of the chorus in "Rick & Ruby's
Senior Prom," an improvisational interactive parody of high school in the
'50s. Another player and I were assigned the task of buying condoms to
give out to the prom-goers as party favors. The show was at the Great American
Music Hall, not far from the Tenderloin, home of all the sleazy adult video
stores. It was my first and only visit to a store like that.
After the show, all the players were gathered for a cast photo, and I was
placed front row center. Robin Williams was to my right. I was wearing
a low-cut push-up '50s prom dress with a full skirt, and Robin was riffing
on his appreciation of it.
Then the photographer got down to business. He asked the first row to crouch
so the people behind us could be seen in the photo. As I obliged, my cleavage,
such as it is, became artificially enhanced by my posture. I was leaning
forward, holding on to my thighs with my hands, and my dress had pushed
away from my chest. Robin unabashedly enjoyed the view and had to be reminded
to look at the camera.
I haven't had any contact with him since, and I don't think he'd recognize
me if we saw each other again. Not unless I was wearing a low-cut prom
dress.
***
  
September, 2002
Looking back at September
11
I cried. I feared. For relatives in Manhattan, the country, the state of
the world. I cringed, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Glued to television
news, I prayed for sanity to prevail. I consoled myself with emailed jpegs
of the memorials springing up worldwide. I worried about a small plane
repeatedly circling our town.
Demoralized and disillusioned, I canceled a book promotion trip, whose
highlight was to be a reading at New York City's main library. My recent
novel, the story of a dysfunctional family much like my own, seemed irrelevant
in the light of such momentous events.
As the shock faded, I remembered that the seed of political and social
dysfunction is the dysfunctional family. My experience as a therapist and
member of a family with mental illness taught me that we can unlearn the
irrational patterns we adopted to get along with our families, so I started
writing about how to survive a dysfunctional family.
Not only families, but groups, areas and countries emanate a particular
energy based on their culture and attitudes. Terrorists (whether Al Qaida
or an abusive parent or lover) act out their desperation and resentment
with life's inequities, real or imagined. Not so different from the distortions
each of us suffers when we adapt our natural impulses to fit society's
demands. The betrayal sours us. Our frustration spreads through our relationships
to affect the world mind, which influences us all.
So international relations, political integrity, justice and morality are
fatally flawed until each of us cleans up our own house, one heart at a
time. September eleventh's greatest memorial would be if we all commit
ourselves to taking apart our self-imposed limitations to discover the
innate compassion, understanding and flexibility essential for transformation.
***
Letters to the Editor
October, 2001
The value of therapy
Dear Editor,
I must take issue with Laurel Wellman's column in which she shows a cavalier
attitude toward therapy and looking inward ("Looking inward won't win the
war").
Perhaps Wellman has never experienced the dramatic transformation therapy
and personal examination can provide, and doesn't understand that the repression
and distortions we accumulate in our lives cause us to misinterpret people
and events in ways that make us feel badly, besides compounding the problem.
Real change happens when we do the work of cleaning up our personal stuff
so that we can reach the truth of our interconnectedness, which flowers
from the inside out. When we're aware of this, conflict can be settled
in any number of creative ways. We can resort to aggression when it's appropriate
or work around it when it isn't.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't be retaliating for the egregious attacks
of Sept. 11. To the contrary, I think we're doing the best we can in difficult
circumstances. But war originates in our hearts -- we can see this in the
ravings of Osama bin Laden and his friends.
Understanding our own and others' points of view and how to transform them
when they don't work is a valuable part of the process of making the world
work better for all of us.
***
November, 2001
A woman's place in
Islam
Dear Editor,
In Barbara Crossette's article, "Militant Islam -- world without women,"
she makes an interesting point, which gives chilling insight into human
nature-- that the angry, unemployed men attracted to radical Islam view
women as competitors who shouldn't be educated or employed.
Ironically, having women in the workforce improves the living standards
for everybody. The United States has seem similar scapegoating of ethnic
groups in bad economic times. In the Middle East, the scapegoats are female.
Instead of scapegoating, we need to find a way to transform blame and alienation
into creativity and collaboration. Maybe the key to ending terrorism is
to invest more in rebuilding disintegrating societies. We should especially
fund micro-lending programs for women rather than tax giveaways to our
bloated, spoiled oil and auto industries.
***
December, 2001
"No Problem" is one
Dear Editor,
I've been wondering lately what it is with so many people responding to
a thank-you by saying "No problem" instead of "You're welcome," and this
is what I've come up with. "You're welcome" is open-hearted, from someone
who's glad to be of service. But "No problem" seems to come from the expectation
of upset. As if people are so stressed, as if they're at the edge of their
ability to control themselves, and one more thing might cause them to snap,
but luckily it wasn't you. These are difficult times.
***
February, 2002
Wishing Arafat dead
Dear Editor,
Ariel Sharon's statement that Israel should have killed Arafat years ago
highlights the mentality that keeps the hostility alive. Arafat is not
the cause of the Israeli Palestinian problem-- he's a symbol. If it weren't
him, it would be someone else. If they'd killed him in 1982, someone else
of the same ilk would have risen to fill the vacuum.
The real problem is on both sides-- the rigid mindset that refuses to compromise
or recognize the needs and culture of "the other," to understand that all
human beings ultimately search for dignity, freedom and the ability to
express one's best ideas and talents, and to make a difference in the world.
There can be no peace without tolerance, flexibility and acceptance.
***
September, 2001
Dysfunctional politics
Dear Editor,
In the midst of fear and grief, I am heartened by the clamor of voices
calling for a rational and ruthless examination of how we got here. In
world politics, much like in a dysfunctional family, repression leads only
to rebellion and unintended unforeseen consequences which build on the
inequities rather than mitigate them.
Think of the fights we've all had with our parents, our spouses, our children.
Our global problems are much like those. And as in a dysfunctional family,
the only way out for our society, our civilization, is thoughtful, compassionate
and multilateral negotiation with the purpose of mutually acceptable solutions.
The family is the most direct and powerful influence on one's world view
and therefore the ripest field for changing how we relate to the world.
Beliefs-- religious, secular, national or personal-- shape culture
and future generations as parents pass them along to their children. Each
of us must learn to free ourselves from bias and judgment so that we don't
pass it along. We must clean our own houses as a crucial step in creating
change on a larger scale. That's a battle that will be won one heart at
a time.
***
October, 2001
Help the Afghans
Dear Editor,
I love the idea surfacing of giving money, food, medicine and books directly
to Afghan citizens and refugees, to give them the strength to take their
country back from the lunatic fringe.
Then we get to skip the war part and go right to reparations and rebuilding,
which was successful beyond our wildest dreams in Germany and Japan, who
now number among our best allies.
May common sense prevail.
***
March, 2002
Political attack ads
Dear Editor,
After witnessing the shameful display in this year's primary elections,
I'm so disgusted that it seems like a wonderful idea to ban the attack
style of political advertising. Such dirty tactics sully the spirit of
democracy, and betray the lack of confidence such players have in their
own merit. Without that option, each politician would have to forego the
"She/He's a jerk so vote for me" approach and actually talk about his or
her own philosophy, position and proposals.
Yes, I understand the first amendment issues, which probably ensure that
it could never happen, but a girl can dream, can't she? |
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